No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
