I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
