If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
