Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
