If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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