I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
