We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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