after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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