I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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