Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
