She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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