I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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