I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
