Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
