dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
