i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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