I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
