There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
