you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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