I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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