Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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