Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
