i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
