so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
