We won't sleep together?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
