Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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