I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
