Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
