He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
