oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
