I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
