Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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