I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize