Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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