dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
