guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
love makes seman taste better
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
