Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
