I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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