He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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