K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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