dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
