So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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