I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So many bounce houses so little time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
