Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The air was thick with penises
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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