I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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