Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
