in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
