I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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