he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize