Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
