just tell him i said nine months
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
