I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
