I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
