I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
whose parrot is this?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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