last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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