ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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