Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
