soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His nipple licking is glorious
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