i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
