drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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