the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
