My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
