Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
