benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
