I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
