i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
