i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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