we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
