Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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