Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
