i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
