I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
