today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
