you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
