you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
