he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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