Your dad touched me again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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