Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
