OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sobbing to NWA
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
