So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
