he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
