Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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