What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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