she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
