I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
