i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
